What Love Isn’t: Reading Paul in the Digital Age

A fortnight ago, I wrote about how Jesus reduced 613 laws into just two: Love God. Love your neighbour.

I reflected on the divine order of love, God first, our neighbours next, ourselves last, and perhaps the intent behind that order.

Because when we get love right, everything else falls into place.

And of faith, hope, and love, the greatest still is love.

This week, I want to explore something different: not from the life of Jesus, but from the heart and mind of Paul, who wrote to many churches in his time.

In my imagination, I can almost hear his voice echoing into our present, our modern, digital world.

A world loud with opinion, fast with judgement, hungry for validation, and yet quietly starving for tenderness.

Paul once wrote to the church in Corinth:

“Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” - 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

But if Paul were here today, scrolling our feeds, reading our captions, watching our “connections” unfold, I can almost hear him writing again, this time to the Church of the Digital Age, on What Love Isn’t.

If Paul Wrote to Us Today on What Love Isn’t

Brothers and sisters,

You are loud in conviction, yet quiet in compassion.

You hold influence, but lack intimacy.

You defend truth, but forget tenderness.

You build platforms higher than altars and call it ministry.

You chase relevance more than reverence.

And though you speak in many tongues,

of content, trends, and algorithms, without love,

you are only a clanging notification in the night.

What Love Isn’t (Through Paul’s Eyes and Ours)

1. Love is not egotistical.

We live in an age where self-love has become the new religion.

But love doesn’t parade itself; it doesn’t need to be seen to be real.

True love forgets self long enough to see the other.

2. Love is not controlling.

Control often dresses up as care, it says, “I know what’s best for you.”

But love never manipulates.

It releases, because it trusts God more than power.

3. Love does not use people.

We use words like network, collaborate, and connect, but too often we mean leverage.

Love doesn’t exploit; it dignifies.

People are not ladders to climb or content to consume.

4. Love is not performative.

We’ve learned to post kindness instead of practising it.

We curate empathy instead of living it.

But Paul said, “Let love be without hypocrisy.”

Real love acts when no one is watching.

5. Love is not self-righteous.

Ours is an age of outrage, quick to cancel, slow to understand.

But love corrects without cruelty.

It doesn’t seek to win arguments but to heal hearts.

6. Love is not transactional.

We’ve turned relationships into negotiations: If you show up for me, I’ll show up for you.

But love gives without keeping score.

It loves first, just as Christ did.

7. Love is not disposable.

We live in an age of “talking stages” and “soft exits,”

where people sample connection but fear commitment.

We collect hearts like playlists, adding, skipping, and deleting,

without flinching at the cost of another soul’s disappointment.

But love was never meant to be disposable.

It stays when it’s easier to scroll away.

It shows up when feelings fade.

It honours the image of God in the other, even when the story doesn’t go our way.

Love doesn’t ghost.

It grieves, it blesses, it releases, but it does not devalue.

“Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” - 1 Corinthians 13:7

8. Love is not fearful.

Fear makes us guard, hide, and perform.

But perfect love casts out fear; it trusts God’s goodness more than it fears rejection.

9. Love is not indifferent.

We scroll past suffering like headlines, untouched, unbothered.

But love stops. It sees. It kneels.

Like the Samaritan, it says, “This is my neighbour.”

10. Love is not cynical.

Cynicism feels safe, but it’s just disappointment wearing armour.

Love stays soft, believing again, hoping again, forgiving again.

11. Love never grows cold.

And this may be our greatest danger, not losing truth, but losing tenderness.

So guard your heart, let it stay warm.

Keep love alive in a world that keeps numbing the heart.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is still love.”

- 1 Corinthians 13:13

My Reflection

If Jesus gave us the foundation of love, Paul gave us its guardrails.

He taught us that love is not weak; it’s the highest strength, the kind that bends without breaking and believes without proof.

Faith can move mountains.

Hope can carry us through the dark.

But love, love changes the hearts of men.

It is heaven’s native language, God’s chosen measure, and the truest mark of maturity.

Love,

Mofoluke ❤️