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  • Writer's pictureMofoluke Ayoola

The scars we call beautiful

"We all have marks on our faces." "This is the map that shows us where we're going, and this is the map that shows us where we've been, and it's never, ever ugly". Julia Roberts (Isabel) to Jacob Tremblay (Auggie) in the movie Wonder.

Every 16th of November, I get to celebrate the remembrance of my second chance on this beautiful side of the earth. Always grateful for the gift of another day and year. However, there are times when such gifts come with a price, a scar.

It took me many years to agree scars are indeed beautiful, like the analogy of the half cup, seen half full or half empty. What does your scar mean to you?

Do you know we all carry scars? Oh yes, we do, from the emotional ones we hide behind our lovely smiles to the physical but obvious ones that stare us in the face and the physical ones we conceal behind our beautiful clothes. Kudos to those who wear theirs like wings and fly on them. I admire your courage.

Dealing with my own has taught me several lessons. If we dont deal with it, it will mess us up. A recent conversation on how we project our fears and insecurities from past negative experiences led me to dive deep into the impact of the scars on our behaviours and relationships. And how treating them like a half-empty cup can damage us in the long run.

Simple steps to overcome the negative impact of scars on us.

Identify them.

Evaluate how it has impacted you.

Identify the triggers.

Pay conscious attention to it when it happens, and address it with those affected. (Communication helps a lot with this).

By the way, we all come with baggage; find those who aren't uncomfortable to help you unpack and vice-versa. Be sure you make the effort to work at it.

Most importantly, scars are imperfections we sometimes mask because of the perception that they are ugly. There is beauty in the seemingly imperfect. Our scars carry the weight and glory of our very existence. They validate our vulnerability. Understand it's okay to be vulnerable. It defines a journey we've overcome and the ultimate price of our victory. Ultimately, we are who we are today because of our unique scars.

Like in Wonder, it's a map of where we have been, never defining, never limiting. Wear it with grace if you can. Thirty-two years of learning how to be me, wearing and evolving with all the scars that helped me achieve a better version of myself.

What a price to pay for wholesomeness!

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